I thought about not posting today since I’ve been in such a pissy mood all day and the rest of my posts have been so cheery, but then I remembered my amazing friend Leslie’s blog post that was written with such honesty that I thought I would share a different side of myself today.
I woke up on the proverbial wrong side of the bed this morning. And it wasn’t just your run of the mill case of the Mondays, I was pissed from the get go. At what? you ask. Anything and everything and nothing all at the same time. I swore multiple times at the shower head since it can’t keep a consistent temperature. I was so wrapped up in my head that I forgot my headphones and my lunch. I was annoyed with every person I passed on my walk to work, even if they were on the other side of the street. I had to quickly run to the store and get another pair of headphones so I could bury myself in my corner with Dan Patrick and the Danettes (didn’t have me pegged as the type that listens to sports radio, did you?) and keep myself from snapping at my coworkers.
Finally it came time to escape the office and I was looking forward to my run in hopes of clearing my head and getting out of this funk. My run only made me even more funky, and not in a good way. Within the first few steps I knew it wasn’t going to be the run that I had hoped for. My legs felt heavy and every step was painful. First it was my hips, and then my calves, then my ankles, the my foot because I was favoring one hip. My state of mind wasn’t helping either. The father into the run I got the angrier I got. It ranged from running things to life things. Here’s a small list of things that made me mad today (I do not claim that all of these things are sane and/or logical things to get mad about, but sometimes that doesn’t matter):
How much pain my legs were in
The music I put on my ipod (no more listening to Paradise by the Dashboard Light while running, must get some (awesomely) bad pop music)
The headphone cord that is so long it hits my leg
My mile pace being slower than I wanted it to be but having no energy to go faster
The cotton tank top that I usually run in that stretches out and soaks up sweat but not being able to afford a fancy wicking shirt
The bikers passing me on the trail with about 6 inches (maybe a slight exaggeration, probably a foot) of space even if there was no one coming the other way, at least warn me that you’re next to me
Needing to choose between my 2 awesome soccer teams because playing with both isn’t affordable
The girl running in just a sports bra with amazing abs
That my interview to volunteer in the ER at Doernbacher for this morning was rescheduled
That my amazing kiddo and her wonderful family have to battle through such a horrible thing as cancer
That nursing school seems so far away
That when I engage in physical activity my face turns so red it matches my hair color
These are not the thoughts that you want rumbling around your head while trying to get through a tough run. I had to force myself to take a step back and allow myself to have an off day. What started off as a crappy summer, getting dumped 2 days after my last final of spring quarter, has turned into one of the best summers I’ve had. It has helped that it’s been full of great people and fun adventures, but the best part of it has been the internal peace and happiness I’ve found. Two weeks after the break up, after a fair amount of wallowing, I was surprised to find how relaxed I was with life. My anxiety is at an all time low and my confidence at an all time high.
I’m happy with the person I’ve become but it bummed me out to be in such a crabby mood today. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned this summer, it’s to love the little things. As Jen, who also ran, and I talked about our time and our goals for running I consoled myself with the fact that even though my run felt slow it was still 2 minuted faster than my last 5 mile run. We then went to Fred Meyer where I found a running shirt that was on sale and had a coupon that friend so kindly sent me, making the lovely purple shirt affordable. Then it was off to a goodbye dinner for Leslie, and even though I’m sad to see her go after two too short weeks I’m excited for her to start a new adventure in her life and that we got to spend some wonderful time together. There was the moment of Jen laughing so hard she was crying at the Cars band aids that were a present that made my mood lighten a bit.
There was reading through my email from a couple of days ago from my kiddo’s mom, saying my kiddo was asking to go to the hospital so see could see me that brought tears to my eyes. There was my amazingly sweet mom going to the store to get me bagels and cream cheese so I’ll have breakfast all week. There was my best friend leaving a note on Facebook about how much see misses me. And there was the bar of Theo chocolate. Gina told me earlier to eat a piece of chocolate to feel better, and even though I’ve had multiple pieces today, another piece? Don’t mind if I do.